With all of our responsibilities like parenting, work, household chores, etc. intimacy can start to feel like one more thing on the to-do list. Maybe you enjoy affection but don’t want it to lead to sex. Or maybe you miss feeling connected to your partner on an emotional level. Let’s talk about how to improve intimacy in a relationship!

Here is a reminder for you: Intimacy doesn’t start in the bedroom.

Intimacy is built in moments when we feel appreciated, thought about, like we are on the same team, safe and connected. These connected moments matter and are so important because they happen in our every day lives with our partner – not just during sex.

Here are three small things you can try this week to feel closer to your partner:

1. Affection without expectations of anything more.
   sit close together on the couch, hold hands, cuddle, give each other a back rub without it leading to anything else. Affection can be simply affection.
2. Engage in conversation outside of the usual routine of conversations you have.
   Instead of the usual conversations of kids, work, schedules, bills, etc. talk about something outside of the norm. A few questions I like are:
   1. Is there anything you’ve been thinking about that you want to talk about with me, and you haven’t had the chance to?
   2. What do you find exciting in life right now?
   3. Have your goals in life changed recently?

Make sure you are making space to listen to your partner. Show curiosity, ask questions, make them feel heard and seen. This will go so far.

3. Notice the little things.
   Thank them for something specific, show appreciation for something they do. Put all screens away when you are talking with each other. These small moments of undivided attention can really help to feel connected in the middle of our busy lives.

If you are struggling with sexual intimacy, remember you don’t have force it or rush back to how things used to be within your relationship. Desire is influenced by SO MANY factors, even unrelated, to your relationship (stress, diet, hormones, exhaustion, etc.).
A therapist who specializes in intimacy and couples therapy can also help walk you through this. Request an appointment here!

Start by making space for you and your partner to connect again with the three things above. You don’t have to have a whole weekend, or even a big date night to reconnect with your partner. Sometimes doing these small things consistently will really start to rebuild the connection naturally.

If you found this post helpful, check out our other post on this topic here!