According to The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, “nearly 3 out of 4 women have pain during intercourse at some time during their lives”. As you can tell, painful sex is so common for women, but it doesn’t have to be. Sex (no matter what your definition of sex is) should be enjoyable, pleasurable and fulfilling. Let’s talk about some things to consider/do if you are experiencing painful sex.
- See your doctor
First things first – let’s rule out any medical issues. See your doctor and get a full exam. Explain to your doctor exactly what you are feeling and experiencing. Your doctor will be able to rule out any medical diagnoses or issues relating to painful sex. If they are able to rule all of this out, they will most likely refer you to a sex therapist to help you work through this using talk therapy – and if you start with sex therapy, we will probably refer you to an OB to rule out any medical issues. So long story short, start with your doctor and just make sure everything is good there first!
- Find a sex therapist
If everything is clear medically, and you are still experiencing painful intercourse, a sex therapist is next on the to do list. A sex therapist will naturally have a list of questions to ask you to gather accurate information and better understand exactly what you are experiencing. Of course, every person and situation is different, so if any of these things don’t work for you, please please seek out a sex therapist to get deeper, more complete, help.
- Use Lube
There are so many benefits to using lube. Lube can make insertion of any object (toy, fingers, penis, etc.) much less painful. Lube also takes the pressure off of all parties involved to naturally lubricate. There is nothing like spoiling a sexual experience like having anxiety creep up on you from worrying about lubricating naturally. Do your research on lube with your partner and mutually decide on one to have at your bedside all of the time. Use it during every sexual experience.
- Don’t rush into intercourse
You do not have to rush into intercourse. Lengthen your foreplay time. Slowly introduce insertion – meaning start small – one finger, then working up to more. Think of it like this: before you exercise, it’s best to stretch your muscles. This is the same thing. Stretch and prepare your sexual organs before intercourse begins.
- Learn to relax
It is easier said than done, but intercourse is much more comfortable if you are relaxed. If your muscles are tense and you aren’t able to relax, you will most likely experience some sort of pain. Sex therapists are able to give you tools to help you learn to relax during sexual experiences. Sex doesn’t have to be stressful or tense, learning some relaxing techniques/exercises will help you experience a lot less pain.
With all of this to say, sex does NOT have to be painful. Seeking help for painful sex is such a big (and brave) step toward enjoying your sex life again. Sex therapists are trained to help you work through these things, so they are ready and able to help you!
If you are experiencing pain with sex, please reach out to me to schedule an appointment. I am so happy to work with you on this. You can request an appointment here!
*please note: this article is not a substitute for therapy. Please see professional help if you are experiencing anything mentioned above.