“How do we spice things up in the bedroom”, “How can we feel more connected”, “How can we reignite the flame we once had” – all of these questions I get asked quite often. As a sex therapist (in Sugar Land, TX – and virtually throughout Texas) I work with couples every day in creating and building a healthy sex life. The thing I love most about sex therapy is that it is not “one size fits all”. A healthy sex life to one couple, might not be healthy to another and that is okay. I work with couples from all different backgrounds that all have different ideas about what they feel like a healthy sex life is. That is what keeps my job interesting and keeps me on my toes as their therapist.

Let’s first start with how you can feel more emotionally connected to your partner. After all, if you don’t feel connected to your partner, you probably aren’t going to think you have a healthy sex life either. So, how can you feel more connected emotionally with your partner? Begin with forming intentional rituals of connection. This can look like a six second kiss and embrace hello and goodbye every day. This can also look like holding hands before bed, looking at each other, and sharing how your day was. Showing interest in your partner and their interests, hobbies, etc. is another way you can form connection.

Spicing things up in the bedroom will ALWAYS start with communication. You will need to communicate with your partner what you are feeling. My biggest piece of advice for this conversation is to focus on the GOOD. What do you like, what feels good, what sounds/looks exciting to try, etc. Focusing on the good and the exciting things that you would like to try will help keep the conversation light and airy. My next piece of advice is to give your partner the opportunity to discuss what they want to try or what sounds exciting to them.

Once you are on the same page about spicing things up in the bedroom, it’s time to figure out what you are going to do. My favorite activity to suggest to couples is to shop for something together (a new toy, lingerie, a sex game, etc). You can do this in a store or online. Once you decide what you are going to buy, discuss with your partner why you are excited about it, what you would like to try with it, how you think it will spice things up in the bedroom.

Shopping together for something new to try or use in the bedroom will be a bonding experience. It will get you excited about sexual intimacy with your partner again. Having these types of conversations, and introducing something new in the bedroom every few months can really help you both experience new things and continue to keep things spicy in the bedroom.

If you feel like you are struggling sexually with your partner, I am so happy to help you both. I am a couples therapist in Sugar Land, TX. I am also a sex therapist, and I see clients in office and virtually. Helping couples create a healthy sex life is such a passion of mine, if you are struggling, please reach out!